5.17.2005

Who Loathes You Baby

Hated: Wonkette.
Hater: Steve H., conservative blogger at Hog on Ice, "Native American since 2005." Contributor to Huffington Toast, right-wing satire which makes the original look Proustian by comparison.
Beefs: Wonkette not a real blogger because she is employed, doesn't have comments or trackbacks, has guest-bloggers, steals limelight from Steve H.-approved "genuine" bloggers, has a vagina.
Slams: "Wankette," "exact opposite of a blogger," "poser," "hired hand," "complete fool," "hack," "obnoxious," "ordinary," "writes on a sixth-grade level," "person with no memorable quotes," "person whose only discernible talent is the ability to compile and synthesize gossip," "syntho-blogger," "mainstream," "prefabricated," "brainless imposter," "hired copywriter," "Pat Boone."
Name checks: Joe Queenan, Orville Redenbacher, Dan Rather, Matt Drudge, Chris Matthews, Brit Hume, Howard Dean, Art Linkletter, the Monkees (x2), Nick Denton, Mickey Mouse, Little Richard.
Freud says: Violent interior conflict between libertarian-conservative ideals and reptile-brain attraction to Wonkette physical hotttness. Barely sublimates arousal at ass-fucking jokes by recasting personal sexual fantasy as thinly veiled parody. Blog-jealousy so embarrassingly tumescent that it's likely visible from space.
Chew on this: "But the MSM swallows her whole and doesn't even notice the plastic aftertaste."
Hard to believe: "If she stopped calling herself a blogger and her site a blog, I'd have no problem with her."